Time Flies

In less than two weeks, our firstborn will start kindergarten. We've bought the supplies, shopped for school clothes and shoes, and picked out her backpack and (matching) lunch bag. We've provided proof that she's up to date on her vaccinations, dental visits, and toured the school. We've done everything we can to get ready for her first day of school. Except I'm not ready.

I remember like yesterday checking into the hospital around 7 am on Thursday, March 27, 2003 and the nurse congratulating Wade and me, telling us we would become parents that day. I remember so vividly HOURS of rocking in Emma's pink and white gingham chair, singing nursery rhymes and the alphabet and everything in between, wondering why she never wanted to sleep. I remember her first birthday party, and the book my Daddy gave her (Mayday To The Rescue) that still sits on her bookshelf to this day. I remember the day she started Mother's Morning Out, and how she made the teacher sing "The Wheels On The Bus" over and over and over again because she loved that song so much. I remember her spending countless hours with her first true friend Kayla, and watching them build a bond that is as strong now as it was when they spent every day together. I remember being amazed at how well she handled our move to Atlanta, and how I envied her because I didn't. I remember telling Emma I was pregnant, and how she announced that if the baby was a girl, we would name her Dora, and how she would lay on my stomach every night and sing the A-B-C song to Mary, and how Mary would get totally still to listen to Emma's voice. I remember Emma walking into our hospital room the morning Mary was born, and suddenly she seemed HUGE, and how gentle she was with Mary, and how nervous she was holding her new baby sister. I remember signing her up for preschool and choosing the 3-day program because neither of us were quite ready to spend that much time away from the other.

But now, ready or not, we're here. In 12 short days, I will walk our little girl to the bus stop in a precious outfit I'm sure she will have spent hours choosing. I'll take a million pictures and tell her how proud her Daddy and I are of her, and promise her a fun-filled day. I'll tell her all about the new friends she will make, and the important things that she will learn.

What I won't tell her is that my heart will surely be breaking because I don't know how I will get through the day without her, much less the entire school year. That, if she gets lost those first few days of school, I can't be the one to take her hand and help her find her way. That if she's nervous and unsure, I can't give her a big hug and tell her that she can do ANYTHING she sets her mind to, and she will be FINE. That now, when she scrapes her knee, a bandaid will have to do because I doubt the school nurse will kiss her boo-boo. That now, if someone is mean to her, she will have to depend on her teacher to help her deal with the situation. That now, if she cries because she misses me, she will have to work through it instead of coming back home to me.

I know it will get easier for both of us, and I know that I'm one of a million mothers who will feel these very same things that morning. But this is MY baby girl, and she's very special, and I want so many wonderful things for her because she deserves them all.